To Date that Person or not to Date - That is the Question!

Your time is precious. When you first go out with a person you have no idea where it may lead or if it may lead anywhere at all. How do you decide to date further or move on to someone else? Do you find yourself to be too picky or not discerning enough? And, when do you decide to stop dating others and focus on one man or woman only?

This we will explore in this article.

1. What do you judge a first date on? Among the many things we look for, there are really only 3 things that you may evaluate someone on a first date:

a. Do I feel comfortable with the person?
b. Am I attracted to this person?
c. Does the conversation flow easily?

That's it! If you answered yes to all three, I suggest you go out another time. There is so much to learn. Also, someone may not be at their best or be very nervous on a first date. So give that person a second date unless there was no attraction whatsoever.

2. How do you know it is time to leave a relationship and move on?

a. You are not getting what you need: If you feel needy and there is something missing then that's a sign that something is not working for you. Can you put your finger on it?

For instance, a client desired that the guy she was dating would show that he was thinking of her during his work week by contacting her by either an email or a phone call and that this contact wasn't only related to setting up the date for the weekend. She felt that this should come naturally to him and would demonstrate to her that the relationship was progressing forward. Since he never was able to give her what she needed, she wasn't able to feel connected to him and they stopped dating.

b. Personal boundaries have been ignored. Here are some examples of some personal boundaries that may get overstepped:

-- He gets too physical too early

-- She wants to get involved with your kids right away.

-- He wants to see you everyday!

This is the place to pay attention if something feels uncomfortable to you. Try and get a sense of your personal boundaries and stick to them!

-- You find you have different reasons for dating and your life goals are different. For example:

-- You want marriage and he doesn't

-- He wants a family and you don't

-- She is open to adoption and he isn't

-- You live in different cities and neither is willing to move.

c.There is a non-negotiable or "must have" that you can't live with. For instance, he wants a clean, neat house and you are comfortable in a house full of clutter. She drinks quite a lot and you don't drink at all. Here you see the writing on the wall. . .that it is impossible for you to be happy together for the long haul!

It's important to know your top "must haves" for a relationship. This helps you screen out inappropriate dates early on while dating.

d. Your key relationship values are not aligned. You value kindness and generosity, and you find your date is stingy and cheap. Or, you value open and honest communication and your partner keeps things from you and can't communicate openly. It is critical that you share your core values with your life partner.

e. Respect has been lost or never was there: Here are some examples of disrespectful behavior:

-- She criticizes you

-- He screams obscenities at you

-- A woman harps on a man because he is not working. One client had an issue with a man who didn't have any retirement savings and down deep felt he was irresponsible. Although he was a very nice person, his relationship did not last because she did not respect him.

3. Think about what doesn't feel right to you in the relationship?

a. Love may not be expressed in a way that you need. For example, you enjoy public displays of affection and they guy is just doesn't do PDA!

b. He wants to spend all his free time with you and you enjoy spending time with your friends as well.

c. She really doesn't want to hang out with your kids.

Be willing to express what you need and want from the other person. Many are afraid to ask for what you need in a relationship and just leave. They don't give their date a chance to step up to the plate and honor their request.

4. Make some decisions on how long is it acceptable for you:

a. To date someone before expecting to be exclusive?

b. To consider living together or not?

c. To be in a relationship exclusively before expecting a more serious commitment or engagement?

Be careful not to get stuck in an "almost" relationships. They are almost right, but not quite. These relationships are dangerous because they can fritter away years before you decide that this person is not good for you for the long haul. Pay close attention to what doesn't mesh for you in your relationship.

Of course, no relationship is perfect. They all take some work and compromise. If you feel like you need something from the relationship, then I encourage you to discuss it with your partner. How he or she listens and responds back to you will demonstrate whether the two of you can work together in support of each other's happiness. It's important not to compromise on what is most important to you. If you can't satisfy each other's needs and desires, then it probably time to move on to someone who can!

Copyright (c) 2007 Heartmind Connection, LLC

Article Source: http://www.rightbiz.com

Amy Schoen, CPCC, is a certified professional life coach who specializes in helping singles to discover what they need and want in relationships and how to find their desired romantic partner. For down to earth tips and helpful hints on dating and relationships, you can subscribe to her popular monthly ezine or her tele-gatherings at: www.heartmindconnection.com

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