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Margaret Paul, Ph.D.'s Articles

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Caring: For Outcomes or For Joy Many people have the ability to truly care and receive joy when caring from the heart Yet even very caring people sometimes find themselves using caring as a form of control Relationships: Letting Go of Problem Solving "We never seem to be able to solve any problems," Kaylee told me in a phone session "Every time we sit down to solve a problem, we end up fighting Do You Feel Free? "…no one ever pushes you toward freedom You need to take that for yourself Recovery From Addictions: Part 1 (This is Part 1 of a 5-part series on addiction). Just about everyone in our society is addicted to something. Addictions can take many forms: SUBSTANCE ADDICTIONS: addiction to alcohol, recreational drugs, prescription meds, caffeine, nicotine, food, sugar, carbohydrates. PROCESS ADDICTIONS: addiction to love, connection, caretaking, anger, resistance, withdrawal, and to activities such as: • TV • Computer/internet • Busyness • Gossiping • Sports • Exercise ... Fear Of Commitment In my counseling work, I often work with clients who have a deep fear of commitment. These individuals generally say that they want to be in a loving relationship, yet they keep picking “the wrong people.” Susan, 38, sought my help because she was in two relationships at the same time. This didn’t feel right to her, so she knew that she had to make a choice. Yet she could not seem to decide which relationship was right for her. Susan had been in a relationship with Sha... Self Esteem: You Are Not Who You Think You Are David sat in front of me at one of my five-day intensive workshops. A successful businessman with a wife and two grown children, David believed that he was not good enough. “I’m insufficient,” he said. “I’m inadequate.” I looked at this kind man and felt deep sadness for him. He did not know who he was. “Why do you believe that?” I asked. “I didn’t do well in school, and I’ve made lots of mistakes in my life.” “So you are basing your worth on your performance,... Beyond Fear And Addiction: Six Steps To Healing There is a wonderful anachronism for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real Much of the fear in our lives is based on false evidence. Our bodies are designed to respond with the fight or flight mechanism to real and present danger - such as being physically attacked. In the face of real and present danger, the adrenaline flows and the blood drains out of our organs and brain and into our limbs to prepare us for fight or flight. Yet many people spend much of their... Stress And Illness Jack, 60 years old, is a client of mine. Jack had been in a very difficult, codependent marriage with Stella - a marriage where Jack completely gave himself up in his attempts to avoid Stella’s anger, threats and blame. Jack sought my help regarding extricating himself from this very unhappy relationship and was finally able to end the marriage. Subsequently, Jack sent me the following email: “Hi Margaret, I hope all is going well with you. I thought you might be intereste... Fears Of A New Relationship Katie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman. After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of years, Katie, now 48, felt she was ready for a new relationship. So she joined an online dating service and promptly met Sean, who seemed too good to be true. Warm, compassionate, in... Five Secrets To Weight Loss Weight loss – such a “big” topic! Every month another book is out by another expert on weight loss. Everyone wants to know the secret to losing weight. I certainly don’t have THE secret, but I do have some secrets, and I want to share them with you in the hope you find them helpful. Weight used to be a major issue for me. Losing weight was never out of my thoughts, and I can’t tell you how many different diets, pills and programs I tried until I discovered some “secret... What Creates Self-Esteem? We all want to feel good about ourselves but many of us go about this in the ways that will never create self-esteem. Do you believe that you will have high self-esteem when: • You make a lot of money? • You achieve a high position in your work? • You have an expensive car or an expensive home? • You are famous? • You find the right relationship? • You receive approval from the important people in your life? While all of these can result in momentary ... Actions Of Love Myrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because she often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and family. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship but she took no actions to meet available men. In the course of our work together, it became apparent that Myrna rarely took loving action in her own behalf with her friends and family. For example,... What Does It Mean To “Self Improve?” Self Improvement has become mainstream. In the last few years, since I have been writing articles and submitting them to article sites, I’ve noticed that the category of “Self Improvement” has been showing up lately when it was never there before. To me, this is very good news. But what does it really mean to “Self Improve?” What are we really improving when we self improve? And what “self” are we improving? We each have two “selves” – our wounded self and our core Self...